Script: ALAN GRANT Art:
1. Two-thirds of apage. The
front page of a tabloid newspaper - the DAILY SCOTTY, maybe witha
tartan logo. Its almost entirely taken up with a
full-lengthphotograph of Middenface McNulty, in heavy chains and
shackles, snarlingand cursing with rage at whoever took the
photo. He shouldlook ugly, dangerous, near-psychotic. He can wear
either a kilt ortrousers, with a tartan plaid slung over his
HEADLINE: THE GRANNIBAL!
SUB-HEAD: MUTANT OUTLAWTO
"Middenface" McNulty - themutated monster who ate his
own grandmother - has been sentenced to death at Edinburgh
HighCourt. (continued, Page 2)
FLASH: Found Guilty On 117
SeriousCharges - Full List, Page 11
FLASH: WIN A DEEP-FRIED
MARSBAR...EVERY DAY FOR LIFE! See Page 3!
2.Small. Close shot of
Middenfaces hand, holding a pen, starting to writea letter.
handwriting should be characterful,if sloppy; maybe a few doodles
here and there. But it also needs to be easily readable.
WRITING: DearAuntie Jessie,
Howare ye? Weel, I hope,
despite this cauld weather. Im sure ye read allaboot my
case in the papers--
3. Pull back to
revealMiddenface is languishing in a Spartan (though somehow
feeling futuristic)jail cell, writing a letter at a small table.
Graffiti scrawled on thewalls by previous inmates might include:
DRUGS? JUST SAY "HOWMUCH?" (by an odious stain) BIG
DUNKS SHAT HERE WANT A GOOD TIME? EMIGRATE!
WRITING CAPTION: --the
lyin tabloidtoerags! Theyll say onnything tae
mak a sale. But let me tell ye whit really
PAGES 2, 3 and 4
1. Start FLASHBACK sequence.
Exterior,day, Scottish Highlands. A couple of small tents stand
on a flat area onthe banks of a stream which tumbles down a rocky
ravine. Four HOVERBIKES(of the kind used elsewhere in Strontium
Dog stories) zoom into the small camp, each carrying two
uniformed cops; the cops are shootingdead the two mutants who
stagger from the tents: BAWHEID (who has a headlike a football)
and BRAVEFART (who has a large arse). The muties haveguns in
their hands, but their shots go wild as they falldead.
WRITING CAP: We were camped
oot, hidin frae the polis.Me an the Black Douglas
were on breakfast duty. Butwhen we got back tae camp--
COP: DEAD OR ALIVE, MUTIE -
AN WEDONT CARE WHICH!
2. Middenface andBLACK DOUGLAS
(his flesh looks like its been burned off, hes
allcharred) come upon the scene.
Each has acouple of rabbits
hanging over his shoulder. The nearest cop points atthem.
MIDDENFACE: BY THE PIPERS
O HELL! THEPOLIS!
COP: THERES THE REST OF
LINK: SURRENDER OR DIE!
3.The cops open fire, but
Midden and Douglas dodge the shots (or beams),firing back at, and
killing, the nearest pair of cops.
MIDDENFACE: SOOK MA CHOOK,
DOUGLAS: HOWS THIS
4. Thenearest pair of cops are
dead, fallen from their hoverbike. Middenface andDouglas sprint
towards the bike, beams or shots zapping around them.
NOTHIN WE CAN DAE FER BAWHEID AN BRAVEFART!
LINK: GET THE BIKE!
5. Middenface and Douglas have
leapt on thehoverbike/platform, with Midden driving. They streak
away up the gully witha couple of the other bikes/cops in
pursuit. Shots are still beingexchanged. We might see a few
DOUGLAS: HOME, JAMES -AN
DINNAE SPARE THE HORSES!
6. OnMiddenface and Douglas,
whos looking back over his shoulder. Theirhoverer is
heading directly towards a steep, craggy rise maybe 50 feethigh,
over which the stream pours in a churning waterfall.
DOUGLAS: TWA O THEM IN
MIDDEN: THEN HAUD ON TAE YER Y-FRONTS,
7.Side-on shot. At speed,
Middenface sends the hoverer screaming up the faceof the
MIDDEN: WERE GOINUP
IN THE WORLD!
8. Onthe pursuing cop
hoverers. One of them manages to make the steep upwardturn, and
goes shooting up the waterfall. The second hoverer fails,
andcrashes into the cliff face, exploding in a fireball laced
with debris andcop body parts. WHOOMPP! NO DIALOG.
9. At the top of the
waterfall. As Middenfaceshoverbike flattens out, Douglas
leans back to toss a grenade.
10.Halfway up the waterfall,
the descending grenade meets the ascendinghoverer, and explodes.
Two more of Scotlands finest die. McBOOOM! NO DIALOG.
11. Middenface and Douglas
speed on, to lose themselves inthe mountains.
WRITING CAP: Half o
Scotland would be lookinfer us, with orders tae shoot on
sight. We needed a hide-oot, an quick--
12. They ridetowards an
isolated croft house in an idyllic location, backed bysnow-capped
mountains. A sign says GRANNYS HEELAND HAME. There mightbe
a barbed wire fence around the place, and another sign saying
MINEFIELD- KEEP OOT, OR HOP HAME.
WRITING CAP: The only place I
could thinko was Grannys--
13. Small headshotgrinning
Middenface, as he sticks his head round the open front door.
MIDDENFACE: HEELYA-HO, GRANNY!
14.Interior of the croft
house. Its one large room. A big cauldron of soup(and I
mean big - see later) is supported over a smouldering peat
fire;there might be a small stepladder by the cauldron, for
easier access tostirring the pot. Grannys knitting lies by
her rockingchair. But of Granny herself there is no sign as
Middenface and Douglasenter.
WRITING CAP: But the place was
MIDDEN: NAEBODY HERE!
DOUGLAS: JINGS! ITS LIKE
THE MARIE CELESTE..!
PAGES 5and 6
1. Two-shot, Middenface and
DOUGLAS: YER GRANNYSGOT
THE SECOND SIGHT, HASNT SHE? MAYBESHE SAW US
COMIN, AN BEAT IT!
MIDDEN: MAIR LIKELY TOSTAY
AN BEAT ME, THE AULD WITCH!
2. Now Middenface stands on
the small stepladder,ladling some soup into a big bowl. Douglas
is already seated, scoffing hisown large bowl of soup.
WRITING CAP: So we had a bowl
of soup, anwaited. An waited. An waited.
3.Later. Middenface has pulled
up a trapdoor in the floor, revealing a smallcellar absolutely
stuffed with bottles of whisky; most bear home-madelabels, like
AULD KNOCKYEOOT, GRANNYS WINTER WARMER, 120 PROOF,etc.
Middenface holds a bottle in
hishand, looking at it longingly.
WRITING CAP: In the end, we
had naeoption but tae raid her whisky cellar--
MIDDEN: GRANNYLL MELT
ME FER THIS - BUT SOMETIMES, A MAN JUST NEEDS A DRINK..!
4.Middenface and Douglas are
seated again, dozens of empty whisky bottlesaround them. They
both look pretty drunk. Maybe one of them is pouringwhisky into
their bowls of soup.
WRITING CAP: For the next
week, weate soup an drank whisky--
5.Close on drunken Middenface.
Hes atop the small stepladder, dipping theladle deep into
the cauldron. He looks surprised and shocked.
WRITING CAP: An then--
MIDDEN: HOLY FLAMIN
6. Largest on the two pages.
Seen from MiddenfacesPOV as he looks into the cauldron. The
soup level is now well down, and wecan see a grinning skull and
skeletal bones protruding from the nourishingliquid.
7. Headshot distressed
MIDDEN: SHEMUSTVE SLIPPED
WHEN SHE WAS STIRRINTHE POT! AN FER THE BEST PART
O A WEEK, WEVE
8. Same headshot,only now
Middenface is retching violently. BLUUUUUU! NODIALOG.
9. Exterior shot. Atop a
smallhill behind the croft. Middenface and Douglas stand by a
crude wooden gravemarker. This could be a semi-distance or a
WRITING CAP: We buried her
with honours, up oan the hill--
DOUGLAS: ILLSAY ONE
THING FER YER GRANNY, MIDDENFACE--
10. Close on them, standing by
a crude wooden grave marker withGRANNY McNULTY carved or written
DOUGLAS: SHE MADE GOOD SOUP!
PAGES 7, 8, 9 and10
1. Larger shot. Suddenly half
a dozen cops dressed in camouflage gear maketheir presence felt,
attacking Midden and Douglas with batons. Our heroesgo down under
the rain of blows.
WRITING CAP: If we hadnae been
sodrunk, wed have spotted the polis a mile off--
COP: TAKETHEM ALIVE!
2. Cut to...a female pairof
hands, Aunt Jessies, holding Middenfaces letter.
WRITING CAP: They hang me on
Friday. Could ye let Morag an the boys know?Meanwhile,
dinnae think too badly o me. Your nephew, Middenface
3. Pull back, to reveal that
Aunt Jessie is also aprisoner in a jail cell.
WRITING CAP: P.S. Bad luck
gettincaught on that arms-dealin charge.
4.Close shot as Auntie Jessie
starts to write a letter. We only see the startof it.
WRITING SFX: Dear Morag,
5.Cut to...day, exterior shot
of Edinburgh Castle. Two gallows have beenerected on the
ramparts, Midden and Douglas standing under them. Theirhands are
tied behind their backs. A minister rants away. A crowd
watches.Cops in attendance.
MINISTER: I BESEECH YOU, O
LORD - RECEIVE THESOULS OF THESE TWO EVIL MONSTERS--
6.Close shot. Middenface
headbutts the minister in the face. BUTT!
MIDDEN: SHUT YER GUB, GODBOY!
LINK: IM MIBBE GONNAEHANG,
BUT I DINNAE NEED NAE BESEECHES FRAE YOU!
addresses the crowd (all norms, by the way).
MIDDEN: YE THINK IM A
MONSTER. BUT I WOULDNAE HAVE HARMED AHAIR ON THAT WUMMANS
HEID! I LOVED MY GRANNY--
LINK: AS MUCH AS ONNY MAN CAN
LOVESOMEBODY THAT BEAT THEM DAILY WI A SOUPLADLE!
8. Small headshotMiddenface.
MIDDEN: YE THINK IM DIFFERENT
BECAUSE IM A MUTIE. BUT PRICK ME, AN
DAE I NO BLEED? TICKLE ME - DAE I NO LAUGH?
KNEE ME IN THE KNACKS - AN DAE I NO
CAUSE YE TERRIBLEDAMAGE?
LINK: THE ONLY DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN US IS MYLUMPS...AN MIBBE 117 SERIOUS
9. A couple ofcops step
forward, roughly putting the rope nooses round our
heroesnecks. Middenface turns to look at Douglas.
COP: ALL RIGHT,THATS
MIDDEN: ARE YE READY FER ONE
DOUGLAS: AYE, MAN. TAK
10. Close front-onshot.
Middenface and Douglas start to sing - but a beam or shot comes
intopanel from off, neatly severing both of the ropes just above
MIDDEN/DOUGLAS: THERE WAS A
MUTIE, A SCOTTISH BEAUTY, WHO--
11. Fairly large. MORAG and
several other mutants have zoomed downholding onto anti-grav
chutes (see previous Stront Dog stories). All arearmed, all are
firing, downing some of the cops. Morag is a shapely andbeautiful
girl; her only mutation is that her hair is whiteand her eyes red
MORAG: JUMP FOR IT, BOYS!
12.With no hesitation, Midden
and Douglas jump off the ramparts and plungedown towards the
ground far below.
13. While other(flying) muties
continue to fire at the cops, Morag swoops down to grabMiddenface
and arrest his plunge. A second mutie grabs Douglas.
MORAG: IVE GOT YE,
14. Close on Midden and Morag
as they zoom away from the scene.
MORAG: THATS ONE YE OWE
MIDDEN: JUSTGIE ME A GUN,
HEN, AN ILL PAY OFFTHE DEBT!
15. Semi-distance shot.
Moragand the other mutie are speeding down with their human
cargoes towards aparked truck, its rear doors open - they might
already be flying in throughthe doors. Stencilled on the side is
MORAG: NAENEED. THE
BOYSLL DO WHATS NECESSARY.
LINK: YOUREGOIN ON
A WEE VACATION!
16. Doors nowclosed, the truck
BLN FROM INSIDE: I DINNAE
17. Interior, rear of
truck.Middenface is astonished to see his granny there, seated on
her rockingchair, knitting. Her soup ladle is close by. (I think
we might have seenGranny before in an old Stront story, but
Im not sure.)
18.Two-shot, Granny and
Middenface. Leave space for dialog.
MIDDEN: BUT- YOURE DEID!
WE SAW YE IN THE POT--!
GRANNY: AWA, YE BAMPOT!
DO YE NO EVEN KEN YER AIN GRANNY?THAT WAS MY SOCIAL
WORKER - SHE FELL IN WHILE SHE WAS STIRRINTHE SOUP!
MIDDEN: THEN WHERE WERE YOU?
19. Headshot Granny,
GRANNY: THE SECOND SIGHT
HAD COMEUPON ME. I HAD TO GO TO INVERNESS, TO CHANT
BY MOONLIGHT, AN MEDITATE. ANTHIS IS
WHAT I LEARNED--
LINK: YOUR FUTURE LIES ABROAD,
MIDDENFACE - IN THEDEPTHS O WILDEST ENGLAND. THERE,
YOU WILL JOIN FORCES WI THISMAN--
20. Two-shot. Granny holds up
aposter - WANTED, DEAD OR ALIVE. The picture shows young (about
15 or 16)Johnny Alpha in his "no surrender" pose.
MIDDEN: ME - FIGHT
ALONGSIDE A WEEPONCY-BOY? YE MUST BE JOKIN!
21. Same two-shot, Middenface
yelping as Granny bringsher soup ladle down hard on his head.
GRANNY: YELL DO WHITYER
GRANNY TELLS YE, MIDDENFACE McNULTY!
22. Final panel.Exterior view
of the truck driving down the A1, passing a sign that saysLONDON
- 350 MILES.
BLN FROM TRUCK: AN
IM COMIN ALONG TAEMAK SURE!
SFX FROM TRUCK: BONK!
BLN FROM TRUCK: OW!